Their relationship began innocently enough. He asked her to his homecoming a month before the dance; she said yes. They barely knew one another, only through mutual friends. He thought she was cute; she had admired him for years.
A couple of weeks before the dance, she got hurt.Someone in her life she trusted had betrayed her. It hurts so badly when I'm alone; I hate this feeling, I hate being alone!she thought. Who can I call? Can I call him? Should I call him? She called him and woke him up late at night. He groggily listened to her woes while responding with kind words and small jokes. Oh my, she thought. I do like this boy.
They went to the dinner and the dance, her in her glittery white dress and him in his dark maroon shirt. Ooooo! Their friends cooed over the pair. He sweetly kissed her during the last slow song. Magical.
Two weeks later, he asked her out. He showed up after her soccer game with a rose and asked hesitatingly - I was wondering if you wanted to goout with me? She smiled at his uncertainty. Of course, she said yes.
For the next nine months, they were inseparable. Attached at the hip, people said. They were the perfect couple. Their days were spent together, even though they lived an hour away from one another. He was the chivalrous boyfriend who protected his beautiful girlfriend from the cold world of loneliness. He was always there for her to depend on. She laughed with him, cried to him, and loved him. Her close friends stopped calling after she stopped coming around. She had better things to do. She was obsessed with the boy. She gave him everything, including herself. Who cares when you're in love? But were they? She told him one day. Ithink I'm in love with you, she blurted out. He looked at her and said, Do you? I... I don’t know, I'm not sure.
All she wanted from him was his love. All her life, a thirst for the sweet feeling of being wanted by another human being abused her, never satiated. She used to sit alone in her room, dreaming of what was to come. Her knight in shining armor, coming for his princess to carry her to his castle in the clouds. They'd live together forever and always live happily ever after. She would give herself to the him, the one who swept her off her feet. She thought she had found her knight. But, she was wrong. She became angry with him, with herself, with the whole situation. What? You don't know ifyou love me or not? I give you all of me and you don't even think you love me? He tried to calm her down. We're young. How can you know what love is? She cried out in tears, I know what love feels like. It’s what I feel for you! There is no age to love! What's the point of this relationship if you don’t love me? The truth was she needed the reassurance. Before he went away to college, she needed reassurance that he loved her. She needed that feeling! She had to receive a guarantee before he left, taking her fantasies away and leaving her cold, naked and bare to face the world alone. The absence of her self-confidence led to her constant need and desire for love. What is life without love?
He left her for college, their thinning relationship straining with the distance. He told her not to call. He would call her. She felt so alone. This hurts so badly. Who can I call? She tried to think of people to talk to. Her friends were non-existent; they became so when she ditched them for him. She cried. She felt like the only person in the whole entire world who was feeling pain. As the emotional pain became physical, she tried to piece her life back together.
Walking into church, she felt the hostile stares of her old acquaintances. She felt so alone. Standing with other groups of people, she tried to join in the conversations - but they treated her strangely and seemed to close themselves off to her. She was confused, because when she was with him, they were always welcome. But then again, the two did usually go off by themselves. She missed him so much. Did their isolation cause others to resent them? What had happened? Did their past happiness cause jealousy? But she didn't understand. Didn't they realize how unhappy she was? How she wanted to die every day because she felt so completely alone? No one understood.
She went into the chapel and stared up at the huge cross with the crucified Jesus Christ. His hands were dripping with blood from the nails driven through his hand deep into the wood. Blood for her. Blood for her life. He died for her sins. But she was so undeserving. She felt His gaze on her. She saw He knew of her treachery. He had given her His life and she repaid him with sin. She dropped to her knees in shame.
Why does she keep praying like that? To show off in front of everyone that she’s faithful to God? Her old friends twittered. Little Miss Angel, they called her. With the perfect boyfriend, perfect family, perfect grades, and perfect life. They hated her because of her two-sided façade. What kind of girl would leave her friends for a guy? She was always so happy and bubbly, rubbing in their faces the fact that they didn't have boyfriends. What a bitch. They would hate her until no end. Why? Because of the fact she was able to be perfect and happy and the fact that they could not.
He called at midnight days later. He sounded drunk. She was mad because he hadn't called her earlier. He became angry and started yelling at her. He just started a brand new school with brand new people. What could she expect from him? He couldn't be the boyfriend she wanted him to be. He couldn't be her security blanket anymore. He told her he needed a break. She hung up the phone and cried herself to sleep, trying to fight the gnawing pain eating away at her heart and knowing that no one could ever love her the way that she wanted to be loved. Unconditionally and without fault. It was all fake, never real. She clasped her shaking hands and took a few deep, sobbing breaths. She would always be alone.
Her old friends sat in a cafe, sipping on lattes and coffee, speaking maliciously of their ex-friend and laughing. Good riddance to bad trash.
